The 20th century author with a colossally warped and perverted penile perspective has taken up an entirely 21st century pursuit: Podcasting. Penises on Parade. Pricks for Kicks. Plop down your meat and pick up the podcast that will make your ears sting.
Peter Schutes’s books lend themselves perfectly to bedtime stories. The literary mind of the author leaps off the page and into your ears. Who could ask for a better companion to your hand while getting in touch with your inner power bottom? Become the fantasy.
This is the first in a series of audio adaptations of Peter Schutes’ Seven Book Series “Daddy’s Boy” sometimes known as “Appalachian Bred”. This early MPREG series introduces the fictitious Monachee Tribe. The Bunch family are a particularly fertile bunch of guys whose fathers make babies with their sons. It’s raunchy, steamy, transgressive, and HOT! The entire series is available now for free!
Peter has written tens of thousands of pages of raw smutty literature. Within those pages are some recurring themes and scenarios. Here, are the 11 most common Peter Schutes tropes.
We chose 11 in honor of the unicorn of dick size – 11 inches.
11. Oops, I got pregnant! In addition to the very common Monachee stories (#2 below), the Male Pregnancy theme is explored in a few contexts. In The Butt Baby, a normal guy gets pregnant from his old high school fuck buddy. In The Expectant Member, through an entirely plausible series of events, a man conceives a baby in his penis, while simultaneously impregnating a Female to Male (FTM) boyfriend. In The Longshoremen, a Kindle Vella story, Ralph is a two-spirit (hermaphrodite) man. Presenting as male, he has both sets of genitalia, and gets pregnant not once but twice, despite having been told he couldn’t conceive.
10. Size, any size, is extremely important in any Peter Schutes novel. Big, small, huge, minuscule, monstrous – nearly every size is extreme. The extreme differences in size are equally fascinating as the men whose manhoods match up. A few characters suffer from penile bigorexia – they’re very big, but not big enough.
9. Fish Out of Water is the theme of many of Peter’s stories. A delicate boy joins the Greek Army in Hercules and Lippos. A cherubic youth rides the rails with vagabonds in Hobo Honey. An innocent young man lands in a rural sheriff’s jail in The Anaconda Copper. In all these stories, the theme is propped up by a masculine protector intervening for the boys’ well-being.
8. Peter always chose macho settings for his novels. The butcher the better. Cops, Sheriffs, Soldiers, Lumberjacks, Bodybuilders, Construction Workers…he created a veritable Village People of hypermasculine characters.
7. Public sex is the secret sauce in many Peter Schutes stories. Miles High sees a porn star with a huge cock fucking tiny Jeff in the airplane bathroom. Peter Schutes’ own story is rife with public venues. His scenes in The Autobiography of Peter Schutes, set in the basement of Filene’s Department Store, rival anything Jean Genet produced.
6. Many Peter Schutes books explore gay venues before Stonewall. Whether it’s the seedy waterfront bars of Fortaleza in The Able Seaman, a bath house in Peru in Confessions of a Rodeo Clown, or the speakeasies of New Orleans in Panama Heat, Peter describes a strange mixture of repression and freedom. The bars and baths are often illegal, but once inside, all rules are cast aside in favor of bold, unabashed sex.
5. A half dozen Peter Schutes novels involve a well hung man meeting and/or falling in love with a man in possession of a gigantic monster cock. In Hercules and Lippos, Hercules is well hung; Lippos’s cock drags on the ground. Buck is too big for most, Stack is too big for everyone.
4. Travel and escape figure large in Peter’s novels. Young men set sail or fly to distant lands, whether it’s a Mexican Priest heading to the Vatican in Cloistered, a high school graduate enlisting in the Merchant Marines in The Able Seaman, or an entitled heir traveling to work on the Panama Canal in Panama Heat. In every way, the travel leaves the men changed forever.
3. A common variant in Peter’s novels is the horse hung loner who finds another monster-hung man. Together, they make sweet love. This is a sub-theme in the Big, Bigger, Biggest series on Amazon. Hobo Honey is a classic example of this.
2. Peter wrote an awful lot of Male Pregnancy (MPREG) story lines. The majority involve the Monachee, hill people in Appalachia who possess gigantic penises and the ability to conceive anally. They tend to keep it in the family, so incest zig-zags across the theme as well. These include Daddy’s Boy aka Appalachian Bred, and the Vella story The Orchardman.
1. The king of all Peter Schutes story lines: the naive, puerile young man with a tiny penis meets a brooding older man with a penis so huge, it defies logic. Despite all odds, the little guy learns to take the big guy. Of course this leads to love. These books are classified on Amazon as The Big and The Small of It.
We found a deeply personal poem written by Peter, bemoaning the burden of being huge. If you thought you could unveil his psychology through his stories, this poem will be like opening his calvarium and staring directly at his brain.
Come with me, I'll show you why Too much of a good thing can make you cry Like a horse caught in a bear trap
It isn't you who'll do the crying For you'll refuse me Once the flesh that so enticed you Sees the light of night
First one button, then the next Should lead to glorious sex Not screams of fear And shouts of doubt That end with you simply walking out Leaving me turgid and exposed with my obscenity in my hand
I don't wish it to shrink Despite what you think I want my frame to grow to match it And live among giants Who find my obscenity average or small And who have no problem at all Accommodating me to the root So I may plant the seeds of passion Deep where they belong Not cast aside like a mustard seed That lands on my stone chest With its heavy heart
Obscenity is man's invention Crafted by the envious who crave the attention That I cannot avoid
At the party the men gaze longingly And force their way so they can see The flesh that causes terror And they know they've made an error Like a mouse that takes the cheese But they can give it back Before the trap can snap Then leave the cheese to mourn Its deadly enticement
You can, ahem, “sample our wares” in a number of places. There are three primary places where Peter’s prose has landed like a colossal floppy cock hitting the thigh just above the knee. There you will find all his works in the three primary “Happily Ever After”niches:
Three Primary Niches
Lonely Big Dick meets Lonely Small Dick and vice versa
Lonely Big Dick meets AboveAverage Joe and vice versa
Big Dick and/or Little Dick gets pregnant
Where to Find Free Big Dick and MPREG Erotica by Peter
On Smashwords, entire novels are offered up for free. The selection rotates every so often, so you might even get lucky and find your wish list filled. When you sign up for the mailing list right here on this site, you get 5 free short stories that will curl the hairs on your balls. Luckily, shorter ball hairs make your dick look bigger. Unlike many unscrupulous smut peddlers, we have sense enough to know that sending you more than four emails per year is just plain obnoxious. The emails are SFW so we can all have that HEA ending.
Find Peter on Twitter This is an excellent source for tiny samples we like to call micro-porn. Twitter’s format forces us to reduce Peter’s lengthy prose into just the naughty bits that convey the joy and pain of being big, being small, or taking a big one. Bonus here is if you follow Peter, you’ll see a tweet with a link to a free novel. Also, the real-life author behind the writing likes to post the occasional erotic selfie.
Yes, that’s right. When we stumble across fragments or short stories that haven’t been anthologized, we can’t easily sell them. So you, dear blog subscriber, reap the benefits. Not only do you get to read never-before-seen fiction, you also catch glimpses into Peter’s prodigious penile psychology.
Peter’s books have always sold in a slow, irregular trickle. Part of the reason is that Amazon doesn’t let erotica authors advertise on their platform. There are other ways to advertise; however, until recently, we hadn’t tried anything other than this blog and the occasional tweet.
A week ago, we asked a casual question of a fellow erotica author that led to a big change in our approach. Successful gay erotica author Jean Valjean recommended animated gifs and a jukebox tool that allows us to create a few dozen salacious tweets that trickle out in random order four times a day. We’re up to 150 backlogged tweets and will likely stop at 500.
Creating 150 unique tweets from Peter’s books (mostly) was eye-opening. We never stopped to check our editing jobs on the books. WOW. It’s hard to market a bunch of books that still need a polish or two. Being forced to say something arousing in 280 characters or less makes for extremely concise edits. Adverbs and adjectives are the first to go. Names get replaced with “he”. Entire descriptive sentences vanish, leaving the raw act of sex exposed.
With this new mindset, PS publishing vows to edit every book again. Right now, the books are in a genre that we probably invented called “Anatomical Smut.” If you’ve read Peter’s works, you know that he spends an inordinate amount of time describing how massive size impacts the innards of the bottom and the life of the top. When a male character gets pregnant, the book is essentially written from inside the colon. We’re going to keep looking through his hoard of manuscripts to see if some were rewritten as gay romance, which didn’t even exist as a genre until the 1970’s.
So look for some revisions to Peter’s novels in the weeks and months to come.
If you’re interested in the steamy Twitter ad campaign, which is much more polished than the books, check out Peter’s Twitter
UPDATE: There are over 1,500 tweets stacked up in the jukebox now, and dozens more added each week. Be sure to check out the Twitter feed. It’s a smorgasbord of big fat dicks.
I don’t have the patience to read a gay erotic romance, so I’m not sure how far Peter’s anatomically outrageous smut lies from such a genre. If I take out a lot of explicit description and replace it with euphemisms, will these otherwise romantic HEA stories be something of interest to a wider reading populace?
Here’s my concern – Peter’s stories are all centered around the phallus, whether huge or tiny (and rarely anything in between). American society has such a phobia of the penis. Hollywood can easily show a nude woman, front and back, but they get an X-rating if they show an erect penis. If the penis is soft, it’s still NC-17, as if this magnificent organ were far more shameful than war and murder.
So my fear, of course, is that I have to leave the penis in there, or the whole story falls apart. So much of the plot is driven by the loneliness or shame that men feel when their privates don’t conform to the norm. Can I successfully write Big Dick Romance, or will I have to leave Peter’s works in their current gut-pounding gay pulp genre? Should I write as a woman? It’s not that I need to make a lot of money; I just want to feel like I have a true readership who is excited for my next romance.
This is a fragment of a note from Peter written close to the end of his life. He waxes philosophical on the meaning of penis size in the context of human interactions.
In the realm of male psychology, the mind has an infinite capacity to criticize its owner. I’m too fat. I’m too skinny. I’m not muscular enough. I can’t grow a beard, etc. Women may have a similar affliction, but I can only write from the male perspective.
I spent the majority of my life bemoaning the size of my cock, which was enormous. It was too big to have sex with a normal man. The loosest holes require a rigorous fisting warmup. I was miserable with my lot in life. I envied the guys with just an average pole. I even envied the guys who had massive cocks that were dwarfed by mine. I felt a kinship with the men whose endowment was the exact opposite – so small it couldn’t be used for penetrative sex.
I wasted nearly 80 years wishing to be different instead of embracing what I was given. I met more than a few men with tiny penises who said the same thing. One said, “I just needed to accept that I was a bottom, because I loved to get fucked. But somehow, my fear that it made me less of a man prevented me from giving myself over to contentment and pleasure.”
He couldn’t have said it better. I love to get fucked. If I’m lucky enough to meet a fisting bottom, I like to fuck, too. But for the most part, I’m a bottom because nature made me so.
One fact that cannot be argued is that potential sexual partners often judge you based on the size of your penis. Small guys get rejected by picky tops and other bottoms. Big guys get turned off when they see how enormous I am.
The judgment cuts both ways. I particularly enjoy fucking one man with a gaping hole and a tiny penis because he comes easily and often. This is Hollywood, so I won’t reveal his name. There are a lot of tops who take pleasure in fucking a guy with a small dick. There’s no threat that they might get flipped over and fucked. These tops often experience a sense of dominance and authority over the small-dicked man.
Similarly, I scare away tops for the exact opposite reasons. The top is threatened by my size because he fears either getting fucked (and ripped in two) or that My gargantuan cock usurps his dominance and authority. I scare away 99% of the bottoms because they aren’t up for the challenge. But there are some guys who get turned on fucking me because they are overpowering a monster. Occasionally, a top will kneel down and ask to worship my meat. I rarely get off when this happens, because their tongues get dry licking so much flesh.
I feel a kinship with men at the extremes of size. The very biggest tops tell me that their cock scares away a lot of partners. The guys with the little cocks are even more like me, because they feel shame and envy, something most average to huge guys don’t really understand.
It has taken me many years to understand that any endowment is meant to be just as it is. Microscopic, tiny, small, average, big, huge, me. Any of those men has his advantages and disadvantages. Those of us at the extremes of size have greater disadvantage, but that just makes the hunt all the more exciting. —PS
PS Publishing released two rare Peter Schutes novels as serials on Kindle Vella. They’re much less expensive than buying a novel, and both stories are fantastic tales of giant cocks and pregnant men.
In The Orchardman, Peter weaves a post-plague tale of infertility, captivity, and male pregnancy. It’s one of the first science fiction novels Peter attempted. Shepard Hendrix, a fertile Monachee capable only of bearing male heirs from another man, is captured and enslaved in a prison hospital where the US Government hopes to resolve the infertility program through forced pregnancy. He escapes the hospital only to find himself in the hand of a new warden, whose private castle serves as a different kind of prison. Can Shepard ever find freedom and reunite with his family?
In The Longshoremen, Peter begins his seedy story in Stockton’s skid row among the longshoremen who work on Rough and Ready island. Alec Shore, an enormously endowed dock worker, falls hard for Ralph EagleClaw, a two-spirit hermaphrodite. Love begets tragedy, then renewal when Ralph returns home to bear Alec’s child alone.
You’d be doing yourself a favor to read these two. If you like big dicks, impossible male pregnancy, and romance, these erotic serials will float your boat.
From Peter’s Notes: Ever since I first heard of ectopic pregnancy in which the embryo attaches outside the womb, my imagination soared. It shows that it’s scientifically possible (if not plausible) for a man to be impregnated. I spent much of my time devoted to writing the Monachee fantasy series Daddy’s Boy [editor’s note, Amazon made us change the titles to Appalachian Bred]. I wrote dozens of stray stories, including a Monachee tale of pregnancy in a post-plague sterile America. I also wrote a humorous book called The Butt Babyand a serious story about a Native American hermaphrodite. There are dozens more, but those three stand out.
From PS Publishing: We found TheOrchardman (post-plague science fiction) and The Longshoremen(hermaphrodite birth) in a cabinet in Peter’s tool shed. He really was good at hiding the stuff that he thought might be too much. All of his work was too much, and we love it! PS Publishing has released these two stories on the new Kindle Vella platform. If you like rough man on man impregnation, these two will satisfy. It’s not the delicate mpreg – this is Bara. Rough sex between rough and tough men.
You should check out Peter’s latest publications: 2 serial stories on Kindle Vella.
The Orchardman is a dystopian tale of male pregnancy (mpreg) and childbirth. It takes place in a setting very much like Children of Men or The Handmaid’s Tale, where infertility causes society to collapse. If you’ve read the Daddy’s Boy/Appalachian Bred series, you know about the Monachee, a clan of hill folk whose men can conceive and bear a child. The Orchardman follows Shep Boone, a Monachee from the Virginia hills. When he is kidnapped (along with all of his kind), he is imprisoned in a hospital whose sole aim is to produce offspring for the wealthy helmsmen. This bizarre work of fiction was found among Peter’s personal files, kept under his bed.
The Longshoremen is a different kind of mpreg story. Ralph is a two-spirit, born with both genders. He chooses to live as a man, but he longs to be with another man. When he meets Alec Shore, an enormously gifted longshoreman, they fall in love. Ralph discovers he is pregnant. He struggles to navigate the uncharted waters of male pregnancy on his own.
People just assume Hercules is a top. He does too, at least until he meets his superior. Lippos may not be a muscled demigod, but he has Hercules beat in the manhood department. And Hercules discovers, to his delight, that his powers prevent him from feeling pain. He’s the perfect muscle bottom. And Lippos is only too happy to accommodate Hercules’s insatiable hunger for pleasure. Never judge a book by its cover. There’s an ancient greek saying “the thicker the beard, the lighter the heels.” It is often the most masculine men who crave to play the feminine role in a relationship. Hercules was no exception.
Besides being an imaginary 20th Century author, I also write literary fiction under my real name. It can be a real time suck.
So you have two novels to look forward to: “Cloistered” set in the Vatican, and “Hercules and the Tripod of Thessaly”, set in ancient times. I wrote them in the evenings before bed, and had a pretty hard time falling asleep without a little…ahem…help. I have yet to publish either, but expect them soon. It will be an enormous weight off my shoulders.
The Catholic Church was no sacred cow for Peter. In his soon-to-be-published vintage smut book, Peter attacks the very foundations of the Vatican. In A Mass for the Massive, Vicente Picogrande is a priest with an elephantine cock. Under the auspices of being given special training, the horse hung padre is singled out and sent to be a sex slave in the basement of St. Peter’s in Rome. He is not permitted to leave his room except to service the insatiable lust of the cardinals. While Vicente enjoys the pleasures of the flesh, he prefers his freedom, and thus plans his escape.
Written before Vatican II, this scathing attack on the hypocrisy of religion is not merely a filthy one-handed novel; it is a cry for justice. Throughout the ordeal, Vicente and his hugely accommodating friend Franz never lose faith in the true Christian church. They take on the Cardinals, who have made a pact with a demon, and are triumphant.
We found the book in a box that contained the King James Bible, the Book of the Dead, and the Lesser Key of Solomon. Peter was not a religious person, but he was interested in belief structures. In an essay he published in After Dark magazine, he stated that he was not religious, but he did believe in the fundamental teachings of Christ. He wrote “The Catholic Church has become everything that Jesus stood against. It uplifts the wealthy, stomps on the poor, and condemns the very sins its priests commit.”
The book could have gone much deeper into theology and other serious themes, but it was, after all, a dirty book, not an academic textbook. Peter’s disdain for hypocrisy was all too clear in this gay hardcore erotica classic.
The book is in the hands of our intern, Paul, who is transcribing and editing the material for punctuation and other minor issues. We expect it to be ready to titillate by mid-June 2020.
We released the Autobiography on Kindle as a pre-order, the book becomes available April 23, 2020. Get your copy before they sell out (kidding) – but seriously, ordering in advance is like Christmas in April. As we write this, we are cooped up in the house. If we hadn’t spent hours preparing the novel for publication, we would surely put in our order today. As it is, we know the book, and therefore Peter, like the palm of our hand. And if you like paperbacks, this steamy life story is available in paperback, but only in the US of A. Please note – the review process is still underway, so don’t be freaked out if you can’t find it for sale. If you are a Smashwords user, you can find the Autobiography here
Peter Schutes was long reputed to have written a tell-all tale of his life. There were fragments we knew about the author up until now that have blossomed into giant heaps of knowledge. Yes, he had an ENORMOUS penis. Far bigger than anything any of us imagined. If he were alive today, he would be a card-carrying member of the LPSG. His endowment ruled his life in so many ways. Because of his superhuman stature, he was a busy prostitute in 1930’s Hollywood. Apart from the historical fiction and fantasy erotica about male pregnancy, many of his novels and short stories we found and published draw directly from his life story. He was in Panama during the building of the canal. He worked at a rodeo. He worked in the coal mines of Harlan County, Kentucky and the copper mine in Anaconda, Montana. He was a ranch hand and a merchant marine. Now we just need to find his novels about prison, Hollywood hustlers, Mexican priests…you get the picture.
We here at PS publishers are scratching our heads. Peter has given away over 750 free copies of his classic “Bunkhouse Buddies” and yet so far not one person was brave enough to leave a review.
Perhaps all 750 are following the maxim “If you don’t have anything nice to say, it’s best to say nothing at all.” Maybe Smashwords doesn’t make it easy to leave a review. Perhaps we need to put more and better links in the book to make reviewing easier. The marketing landscape for smut has changed drastically in the past two decades.
Were this still the 20th century we would have 500 copies of the book printed up on the cheapest paper imaginable. Those cheap “pulp” novels would be marketed to dirty bookstores, who might reluctantly agree to take ten copies on consignment. Or once the demand for Peter’s books was established, we could sell them wholesale to the bookstore.
Free was never an option, because the printed word was still that: printed. Blogs appeared in the 1990s. Kindle appeared out of nowhere and revolutionized the publishing world. Now any hack who could type was a published author. How does one gather eyeballs in a world where pornographic films are all free?
One solution has been to give away free books, like “Bunkhouse Buddies”. Yes, you get eyeballs. The likelihood that one of those eyeballs will pay for other books is slim to none. Free book readers never pay.
Another solution that gathers a few eyeballs is to write in a niche erotic sub genre. Peter was a pioneer of MPREG. His “Daddy’s Boy” series, since it was written so long ago, is an outlier. He has no characters identified as “Omegas” nor is there any pegging nor tentacles nor werewolves. It’s just good old fashioned daddy-impregnates-son MPREG. One of those books is free, and the rest of the series sold well, despite a single bad review. They don’t make porn like they used to.
Our impassioned plea, gentle reader, is to do three things:
The disadvantage to making a book available for free is that you get people who aren’t really interested in the subject matter. The reviewer gave what could have been a glowing review, were it not for the single star out of a possible five. He didn’t like the subject matter and didn’t get Peter’s esthetic.
The grumpy troll writes: “This was just plain ol’ men with their horsedicks doing the nasty with every man within the family, significant others of family members, and “in-laws” . While also pooping out inbred babies and lactating.
There wasn’t a lot of plot or storyline other than very disturbing and descriptive anal (including inner pussy) sex with the aforementioned horsedicks, all in the name of love of course. ”
I don’t know about you, but that makes me ask, “So what is your complaint?” Those are the hallmarks of Peter’s pendulous prose. Sex with a big dick isn’t easy. Carrying a butt baby to term is pretty hellish.
There was most definitely a plot and storyline. But the reader missed it.
So, if you read the recently banned-from-Amazon Omnibus edition of “Daddy’s Boy, Male Pregnancy” on Smashwords, and you enjoy it, consider leaving a good review. That goes for all his books, too. Peter died in 1981 so he’s not coming back to rewrite these books to please a squeamish reader!
Daddy’s Boy Series Bundled on Smashwords – First Ten Copies Are Free!
F. Scott Fitzgerald, JD Salinger, James Joyce, Vladimir Nabokov, Toni Morrison, Alice Walker, William S. Burroughs, George Orwell and now, Peter Schutes. What do they all have in common?
Yes they are all authors of outstanding fiction, but did you also know that every one of them has written prose that was banned from libraries, states, or even entire nations? Peter Schutes just had four novels banned from Amazon in 6 Markets. They contain no kiddy porn, no non-consensual sex, nor do they contain instructions for building a bomb. No, these books are “considered indecent” and “not in line with Amazon’s policies.”
We wrote Amazon a month before putting Daddy’s Boy, Peter’s historic Incestuous Male Pregnancy Series together as a single paperback (and Kindle) to ask for clear guidelines. The basic answer was “you will know when you have crossed a line, because your books will be blocked.”
So we published the perfectly legal smut with Amazon, and they blocked us. Furthermore, they said that any attempts to have the block removed would result in the entire author’s catalog being blocked for sale permanently.
Because consumers willingly allowed Amazon to slowly take over our lives in an Orwellian nightmare of Big Brother proportions, they are now the de facto church. They set the moral tone for 80% of all books published in the United States. They determine what is obscene and what is not. Don’t be fooled, they are bastards. We wrote to them to ask what unpublished “guideline” the books had violated, and they replied “The book is outside of our guidelines. It is not up to community standards. Any further inquiry will result in a complete removal of Peter Schutes’s content.”
Maybe the world doesn’t need another pseudo-historical MPREG incest romance, but we’d like to think it deserves the option to say, “I’m not buying that.”
On a lighter note, Smashwords (and all their downstream booksellers like Apple and Barnes & Noble) have published the books with the caveat that they are “Taboo Porn.” This is fair. Incest is taboo. Men getting pregnant by their own fathers is taboo. But it’s also extremely exciting. In honor of the four-book ban, PS Publishing will be putting together a compilation of the first four stories in the Daddy’s Boy Male Pregnancy series, set in the 1950’s through and 1960’s. This is the compilation we tried to publish first with Amazon.
In the Daddy’s Boy series, the “Omniverse” of current modern MPREG is replaced by what we now call the “Appalachiaverse.” Pregnant hillbilly men are hot as f*ck. Did we just censor ourselves? In addition, the first 10 copies are free. The books tend to fly off the electronic shelves, so act now.
We unearthed a filthy fetish pile and of course we had to publish it. Daddy’s Boy, Male Pregnancy is the series name. It comes in two batches – the Appalachian 1960 era and the New York 1977-79 era. We have published the four books comprising the Appalachian quartet. The first one, Daddy’s Boy Is All Knocked Up, was free. There are only seven free copies of the eBook left, so we are releasing a secret code good only for readers of this site. That code will never expire. Use coupon code NK78P at checkout.
Next we will release the three follow up books. Then come two omnibus editions. It’s a busy month at PS Publishing!
(of a story or statement) of doubtful authenticity, although widely circulated as being true.
“an apocryphal story about a former president”
synonyms: fictitious, made-up, untrue, fabricated, false, spurious
In the late 1970’s, rumors spread that Peter wrote an autobiography and later burned it along with most of his original texts. By digging through what has proven to be a Templeton-esque hoard of paper and office supplies, we have found and resurrected nearly a dozen texts from the master of pornographic prose. This morning, a miracle took place: we found the autobiography. Here is his autobiographical doodle on the cover:
We’re not fond of spoilers here at PS Publishing, so we’ll keep most of it under our hat. In truth, I’m not through reading the entire work. It seems that Peter found that special kind of man-on-man love quite a while before heading off to war in France. He frequented a tea room as a senior in high school. He fell in love at Harvard. Okay, this all smacks of spoilers, so we’re going to leave you with one last tidbit.
We’ll leave it to your imagination what Peter might have used these for:
The significance of this bookstrap escaped us at first. Daryn the intern, whose young imaginative mind is capable of great leaps, explained that the straps were for holding Peter’s manhood against his thigh.
“You said he fought in World War I. Do you think he could have made it without something to keep it in place? He would have fallen behind.”
Daryn, we are grateful for your rules of deduction. Reading his autobiography should shed further light on Peter’s “handicap” and his methods of dealing with it.
The period between 1940 when Peter left Hollywood and 1944, when he returned and became a permanent fixture in Tinseltown are clouded with mystery. Daryn, our brilliant intern from Cal State Dominguez Hills, just found a missing puzzle piece…a rare photo of Peter with his notes on the reverse.
This important photo was lodged in the railing of an old filing cabinet from Peter’s office. It sheds light on an important year in his life. It explains how he knew enough about mining to write Dark as a Dungeon. It shows a cheerful Peter on the left with a man named Jim Ivey, who apparently used to give Peter hand jobs, if we can interpret “caresses” in such a bawdy manner. The bulge in Peter’s trousers is too ambiguous to confirm the legend. Still, all he got was caresses, so it gives weight to rumors he was problematically enormous. It also casts a light on his still fragile mental state. To a fan of Peter’s fiction, this is priceless. It will take a place of honor in the archives at PS publishing.
Regulations prevent us from paying our intern in cash, so Daryn will be receiving a 50-dollar gift card to Chili’s, his favorite place to take his girlfriend on date night.